Blog 38: A lie (ok a few lies) I told myself

a Lie (ok a few lies) i told myself...


I told myself he would get better . That Tumeric and Gogi berries and the Dalai llama  chanting OHM on Cd would heal his mylein sheath. I told everyone to email him to visit him to tell him jokes. I rented funny movies because I knew that I had covered the inflammation and now if we could just get the endorphins flowing and the anger ebbing his body, which I read wants to return to its natural state of health would return to its natural state of health. I told myself Heather wouldn’t leave him, couldn’t say the words she said that gray March day; I love him but I cant give up a life of no sex. I lied to myself when I said this is temporary, it’s a teaching and once I’ve learned it we can go back to the basketball court and shoot only three pointers. I lied to myself when I said if I could just go to Germany, find Dr Neiper, the MS expert who said diet was the key, my baby will be fine. I convinced myself that if we could make it to Brazil John of God would steady his hands. I lied and I cried and I fibbed and I sobbed. And one day my friend Ger said Pretend you’ve never met Dan. And everything shifted. He wasn’t my son. He was a young man who simply wanted witnesses, a beautiful soul who just wanted to have his Journey, a wise boy who needed a family to be----just to be, not to fix not to buy not to lie...just to be. 

So now after twelve years and mountains of tears and truck loads of vitamins and fourteen wheelers of supplements here we finally a loving happy family of beings. Just…being.